NBA Fantasy All-Criminal Team

Starbury’s off-season, back seat romp with an intern did two things to me:  Made me realize how sweet it is to be an NBA player and contemplate how many of them are criminals.  After a 3 minute conversation with my fantasy brother in arms, we realized we could field a competitive team with only NBA players with criminal records.  Tell me you wouldn’t win your fantasy league with these stats and that you don’t want to be/are disgusted by NBA players to get away with these antics…

 PG - Jason Kidd 2007 season: 11ppg, 11apg, 9 rpg, 2 spg

You’ve heard the rumors of spousal abuse from Page 6, but did you know he once punched Joumana out in an argument over stealing their son’s french fries.  Wife-beater and french fry stealer and 11 freakin’ assists per game.

SG - Kobe Bryant 27 ppg, 6 rpg, 5 apg, 2 spg.

Despite locals knowing how crazy that chick was, Kobe was charged with ‘rape,’ or in Colorado legal terms “banging one of our white girls.” 

 G - Allen Iverson 24ppg, 7 apg, 3 spg

With a criminal record going back to high school, my favorite AI moment was a domestic dispute charge where at gunpoint he forced his wife to strip and then locked her out of the house.  He was overheard screaming, “I got your clothes chuck, I got your clothes”

SF - Ron Artest 22 ppg, 7 rpg, 4 apg, 2 spg

We all saw RonRon B. Ware in the Palace Brawl from 2 years ago, but he’s also been charged with abusing his wife and boarding and abusing dogs.  Insert Michael Vick joke here.

PF - Zach Randolph 23ppg, 13 rpg, 2apg

Nothing crazy here, usual DUI, marijuana possession, and punching a teammate in the face in practice.   Still has my vote for most potential since Latrell Sprewell.

C Marcus Camby 10 ppg, 15 rpg, 4 bpg, 1 spg

Money from an agent in college and marijuana arrest.  Apparently one of the better guys in the NBA now, but I needed a center and 15 rpg will do just fine.

 Sorry to say, but this is a winning fantasy team.  Not sure if I’m disgusted at the NBA or delighted by the fact that if I get arrested for beating my girlfriend while smoking a doobie at a dogfight while waving my unlicensed gun around, all I have to do is work on my jumper in prison and I to can make $20mm a year.   I’ve got some pretty funny other NBA criminals that I’ll follow up with, but feel free to drop a story, they crack me up.

Can The Spurs Be Stopped?

It’s still quite early in the young NBA season, but we can easily see that the Boston Celtics are the “Beasts of the East.” Still, before the Celts can hang another banner in the rafters, they still have to pass through San Antonio.

I’m not sure that Gregg Popovich and company are ready to surrender the hardware just yet.

Don’t get me wrong, this season will be as challenging as any they’ve had. Dallas and Phoenix will push San Antonio as hard as they’ve been pushed in some time. While the Mavs in particular have improved, the Spurs do show a few cracks in the armor. You get the feeling that the Spurs occasionally forget to play defense and lose winnable games like their loss to Sacramento Monday night (not to mention the fact the Beno “Freakin’” Udrih lit them up for 27). From a rebounding standpoint, Tim Duncan is still the only guy who’d really scares me and I’m not as high on their depth as I have been in previous years. This team is aging some and you can see signs of it. 

But before we start shoveling dirt on San Antone’s title hopes, let’s consider the following: 1) Tim Duncan’s supporting cast is as good as ever. Tony Parker has taken over scoring leadership at 19 a game, and he’s firing away at a 50 percent clip. Manu Ginobili is also on his game, chipping in with solid scoring performances. Duncan doesn’t have to do as much, and that’s good for him at this stage of his career. Coach Pop is also getting good performances from Brent Barry and Matt Bonner in reserve. Not to mention Big Shot Bob Horry hasn’t seen the floor yet this season. 2) On most nights (and when it really matters), the defense is still there. The Spurs are allowing a mere 92 points a game, good enough to make them one of the better statistical defenders in the NBA. This team will always be solid here as long as they have Duncan and Bruce Bowen leading the defensive charge. 3) Don’t discount experience. This team has enough veteran presence to know when to turn it on.

Staying on top is as hard as ever in any professional sport, especially when you compete with the free spending likes of guys like Mark Cuban. The Eastern Conference is also catching up with the West in terms of being competitive. Still, I like San Antonio’s chance of repeating. I really like their balance and ability to adapt to various match ups.

The Spurs are right on the mark. They continue to quietly and efficiently work their way through the regular season schedule. Oh, they fall here and there, but really, you’re not expecting a 70-win season from anybody in this league anyway, are ya?

When the smoke clears on 2007-08, I expect San Antonio to be there. A Spurs- Celtics finale could be quite a battle.

I’m looking forward to it.

Top 10 Players Under the Age of 25

The NBA, like at no other time in recent memory, is filled with some amazing young talent.  A few of the older players are starting to slow, like Shaq and even Tim Duncan, and the middle-aged guys (by NBA standards) are starting to get pushed by some of these younger guys coming into their own.  There were at least 15 other young guys who I had to consider and reluctantly leave off.

10)   Andre Iguodala (23 yrs old) 

This guy is a ball hawk.  He had to step up as the stud of the Sixers after Iverson left.  He is one of the best defenders in the league, averaging almost 2 steals per game and 1 block per game.  He has a better all-around game than Iverson: 18.2 PPG, 6.8 Reb, 5.0 Ast.  He does need to learn to protect the ball better, averaging almost 5 turnovers per game.

9)     Deron Williams (23) 

Is he a bigger, taller Steve Nash, or is he a younger Jason Kidd?  I say both.  He is a big guard like Kidd, who seems to move effortlessly and see the entire floor, but he also is a dead eye shooter and distributor like Nash.  At 23, and playing on the perimeter, he is shooting almost 51 percent from the field.

8)     Kevin Martin (24) 

K-Mart has a whole new meaning in the NBA now.  Kevin is not much of a household name but he has quickly established himself as one of the premiere scorers in the league (24.2 PPG).

7)     Al Jefferson (22) 

A poor man’s Dwight Howard, that is, if the man is not really so poor.  This is, essentially, what the Celtics had to give up for Garnett.  Jefferson is averaging 19.8 points, 11 rebounds, and can actually shoot free throws (78%).  It doesn’t seem as if they were any losers in that deal.

6)     Josh Smith (21) 

Because he plays for lowly Atlanta he doesn’t get much pub:  This guy is a freak.  No one in the NBA has a stat line like this: 18.0 PPG, 7.4 Reb, 3.4 Ast, 2.1 Stl, 3.5 Blk.  The guy is 6-7 and gets 3.5 blocks per game!!  His shooting percentages are low, and he turns the ball over too much, but he could jump into the top 3 on this board by the end of the season.

5)     Chris Bosh (23) 

He seems like he has been around the league forever.  He was once called the second coming of Garnett, but he is not the passer Garnett is.  He is an efficient scorer and an excellent rebounder, though it does seem as if he has topped out.

4)     Carmelo Anthony (23) 

Another guy that appears to have topped out, however, there are few better scorers in the league (25.2 PPG) and he is a pretty good passer (4.6 Ast)

3)     Chris Paul (22) 

Lightning quick—this guy averages 3 steals per game.  He can shoot, he can pass, he can defend, he makes others around him better, and he is a good rebounder for his size.

2)     Dwight Howard (21)  

An absolute beast.  He has Shaq-like field goal percentage and can jump through the roof.  There is no one with his size and athleticism in the league, except for…

1)     Lebron James (22) 

Lebron is not as big as Howard, but his athleticism is unmatched.  Lebron is a muscular, athletic Magic Johnson.  His numbers are sick and he makes at least 2 sick plays each and every game.  Lebron and Dwight Howard are the future of the NBA and the future appears to be just around the corner.

Top 10 Players of the Early Season

It’s only about 13 or 14 games into the season, but things are starting to shape up and some players are beginning to distance themselves from the field. Here are the 10 guys off to the best start for the 2007-2008 season. Some guys will drop off, some guys will get hurt, and some of the familiar faces will just keep on doing what they always do.

10) Kevin Martin 25.2 PPG, 2.2 3Pt/Gm, 1.4 Stl, 86% FT

–He is not a recognizable name but this guy is good. He was a late first round pick in 2004 and came into his own last season averaging 20.2 PPG. He is a legitimate scorer in the league.

9) Yao Ming 22.4 PPG, 10.2 Reb, 2.1 Blks, 51% FG, 85% FT

–Picking up where he left off last season before his injury. When he is on the floor there are few better players in the league. The injury seems to loom over him; he hasn’t played a full season since 2004.

8) Carlos Boozer 25.0 PPG, 11.4 Reb, 56% FG, 79% FT

–Since coming to Utah he has been a monster and is off to the best start of his career. Could you imagine if Lebron still had him to play with in Cleveland?

7) Baron Davis 24.1 PPG, 8.8 Ast, 5.4 Reb, 2.0 Stl

–Another guy who is absolutely unstoppable when he is on the court, keeping him on the court seems to be the biggest concern: has averaged playing only 56 games over the past five seasons.

6) Chris Paul 17.6 PPG, 10.3 Ast, 2.9 Stl, 47% FG, 89% FT

–One of the best young players in the game. Has Iverson-like quickness and is smart with the basketball.

5) Dwight Howard 23.4 PPG, 14.5 Reb, 2.5 Blks, 62% FG

–He is like a young Shaq but with more athleticism. Has improved each year and this year it looks as if he is coming into his own as a scorer. This guy is scary.

4) Kobe Bryant 27.0 PPG, 6.4 Reb, 4.7 Ast, 1.9 Stl, 46% FG, 85% FT

–Nothing new here: Kobe being Kobe. His scoring is down somewhat from the past two years, but no one can take over the game on the offensive end like Mr. Bryant.

3) Steve Nash 18.9 PPG, 10.8 Ast, 2.3 3Pt/Gm, 55% FG, 34/34 FT

–How can a two-time MVP be underrated? He seems to have actually gotten better this year, as his shooting has been ridiculous. A guard who shoots 3’s at the pace he shoots and still has a 55 % field goal percentage is unheard of.

2) Lebron James 31.3 PPG, 8.3 Reb, 8.1 Ast, 2.1 Stl, 1.6 Blk, 49% FG

–Just look at the numbers, the man-child is a man. Does he average a triple-double next year? Try to remember that this would be his senior season in college. If he keeps his head he will only get better.

1) Kevin Garnett 20.9 PPG, 12.7 Reb, 4.2 Ast, 2.1 Stl, 1.5 Blk, 56% FG, 85% FT

–No one is more consistent. No one puts up better numbers across the board. No one who is 6-11 averages five assists per game over a 10 year period. No one who is the best player in his/her league get the least publicity. He gets overlooked for Tim Duncan because of the championships, he gets overlooked for Kobe and Lebron because they are flashier, but Kevin Garnett is not only the best player so far this season but has been for the past four or five seasons.

Celtics Now

Given the fact that it’s after two in the morning and I’m pretty wasted, I probably have no right whatsoever posting anything.  All I ask is your forgiveness when it comes to any punctuation or grammatical errors I may make.  Considering that it’s this late (on the night before Thanksgiving, no less) and that I’m so f-ing drunk, it’s easy to question why I would feel so compelled to turn on my computer and post something here on FanBoom.  Believe it or not, I actually have a reason.

While I was the bar tonight, I couldn’t help but notice the ongoing efforts of the local media to propogate what is apparently being pushed as the new Celtics brand. 

CELTICS NOW.

What kind of shit is that?  MotherF-er, I’ve been a Celtics fan since Greg F-ing Kite was coming off the bench to play small forward and Jerry Schisting was the two guard, so don’t try and pull this new Madison Avenue crap with me.  Celtics Now?  Are you kidding me?  Bottom line — the Boston Celtics are supposed to be a scrappy, blue collar team, mirroring the town that they represent.  Instead, in efforts to pull off a Red Sox Nation type of marketing strategy, this new Celtics Now campaign not only includes logos, graphics and visual fireworks that are typically reserved for the Lakers and the Miami Heat, but it also employs Celtics Girls.  Pom pom chicks.  Whatever you want to call them, it just seems plain awkward for them to be standing on what was once considered hallowed basketball grounds.

Believe me, I realize that this is not the Celtics of old.  Larry Bird, the small G god that he was, is not the driving force behind this championship caliber team.  Bill Russell, Bob Cousey, Dave Cowens and John Havelcheck (sic?) are nowhere to be found, either.  Hell, you’d be hard pressed to find Tiny Archibald.  This is Kevin Garnett’s team, accompanied by two franchise players in Paul Pierce and Ray Allen.  So, I get the point — this is a new Celtics team.  Still, even in my half-drunken stupor, I see how unsettling this new Celtics Now effort is a step in the wrong direction.

Maybe it’s just me being resistant to change.  That’s very possible, as I was one of the many people who was against tearing down the Garden, despite the fact that it was likely to collapse at any given moment.  Celtics Now?  Ugh…I’ll try my best to roll with that.  All I ask is that they don’t change the mascot from the Leprechaun to, oh I don’t know, something equally as retarded as Wally the Green Monster.

Blow Up the Knicks?

Should the Knicks just blow it all up and start anew? That may sound like a stupid question. It certainly, on the surface, seems like the only thing to do. The storied franchise’s best win total since the 2001-2002 season is 39. They have started this season 2-8 and things, if at all possible, are looking worse.

Everyone by now has heard of the Isiah—“Star”bury debacle, and it is sound thinking to believe someone’s head will eventually roll for the incident. I am wondering if owner James Dolan can fire himself.

A quick look at the Knicks starting lineup will give one indication as to why the Knicks are more of a soap opera than a basketball team. All five starters for the Knicks have drawn criticism for things outside of basketball. Eddie Curry and Zach Randolph have had their work ethic called into question. Jamal Crawford and Quentin Richardson have been said to be hard to deal with on a day to day basis. Stephon Marbury—enough said. Then you have Mr. Thomas; it just doesn’t seem to be working for him as a head coach. One or two of these types of personalities are on every team, but no team can be a contender when their entire starting lineup consists of problem children.

I don’t think the Knicks need to blow up the whole team, but they should get rid of their entire starting lineup and their tempestuous coach. They would save a ton of cash, and they would no longer be competing with “Days of our Lives.” Also, a starting lineup of Nate Robinson, Fred Jones, David Lee, Renaldo Balckman, and Randolph Morris could get the Knicks two wins out of every ten games.

Fixing a basketball game or killing dogs. Hmmm…which do you think is worse?

It’s old news by this point, but still worth mentioning that NBA referee Tim Donaghy faces a twenty-five year prison term for his involvement in an illegal gambling enterprise. In other just as old but just as worthy of mention news, Michael Vick will likely serve eighteen months in prison for his involvement in an illegal dogfighting ring. Does something immediately jump out at you as being…oh, I don’t know…just a little bit off?

Evidently, if you purposely make a few bad calls on a basketball court, society (or, at least the court system) seems to think that is a much greater offense than forcing dogs to fight to their death (and, in some cases, murdering them yourself because they are “performing” poorly). Apart from the money that some degenerate gamblers probably lost as a result of Donaghy’s dereliction of duty, who else was hurt? The players? A decent argument, but still not one that constitutes a potential prison sentence of twenty-five years. The fans? When has any sport never been at least somewhat fixed? I think fans almost expect at least some degree of point-shaving, steroid-using, corked-bats, phantom-punches, and rigged officiating by this point. Dogs dying, however, was never part of that social contract.

Personally, I think it’s absolutely crazy that Michael Vick will be out of prison and, quite possibly, back in the NFL in less than two years, while at the same time (and for upwards of twenty-three more years after then) Tim Donaghy will be sitting in a prison cell.

Can the Boston Celtics Big Three Save the NBA?

I can’t believe I am going to say this - but I think I am routing for the Boston Celtics this year. This is very hard to say because I grew up rooting for the 76′ers (that was their name) with Dr. J, Moses Malone, Mo Cheeks, Andrew Toney, and Bobby Jones and hated the Celtics of Bird, McHale, Parrish, DJ, and Ainge. But now I really like what they have done - I am a big Kevin Garnett fan - I like the way he plays, he looks like a big kid (with a $120MM) having fun, and doing what it takes to win. I’ve always like the way Ray Allen plays ever since his UConn days - he’s just smooth. And I am a fan of Doc Rivers from his Knicks days as well as his broadcasting days.

It’s been hard for me to watch the NBA the last couple of years - I grew up in the Dr.J/Magic/Bird/Barkley/Isiah/Jordan era, where I couldn’t get enough NBA action. The game definitely needs a feel good story and a team to root for. And I think that team this year is the Boston Celtics (that doesn’t even feel right)

Uconn Basketball its going to be a long season…

Ok so I finally was able to watch the season opener for my Uconn Huskies last night against Morgan State and I came to the conclusion it going to be a long season. I didn’t really see anything different from last years debacle of a season. The team still has no chemistry, can’t shoot out side worth a dime (the only thing I think they could shoot was their way out of a drug deal) and they are still running around like they don’t know what they are doing. They barely beat Morgan State which is really one step above a high school team. Their lack of outside shooting is really going to kill us. Calhoun seemed very upset at the end of last year but I didn’t see any of the changes he professed were going to be made. No new players no real changes at all. Well we will see as they continue in this tournament if you can call it that.